you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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