mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
