M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize