I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
