i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
