I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize