end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your dad touched me again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's get the cat blown out
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
