I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
