cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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