So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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