I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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