Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
