we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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