you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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