I think my vagina is haunted
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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