I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize