oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
