I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
