that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just pee around me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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