hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
