Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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