She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
