I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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