You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My nipple is on Facebook.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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