you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
