Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This baby is an asshole
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
