Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
