My hand turned me down
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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