It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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