She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
