No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
