he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
