Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I will be naked everywhere
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
