I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
