It's Friday. Sex?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
