Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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