What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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