Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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