He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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