my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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