Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
false alarm, still single
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
