I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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