I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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