I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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