i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
