hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
