nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
