He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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