you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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