she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
