Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
