she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
