Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
this hospital has no fireball
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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