just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
