just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
