I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
