Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
