Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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