I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
