I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
