I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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