Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
