I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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