you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
