I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
