I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
