You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
